Choices Made
by vez
Summary: Chapter 4 updated! : How does Sanzo cope with Hakkai gone?
1. Default Chapter

                                                Choices Made

                                                By vez

No matter what people thought, or what they were led to believe, the Sanzo ikkou were not immortal. Yes, they were stronger than the average youkai. They were even strong enough to take on the higher ranked demons. However, they were not the strongest ones around. The universe is always trying to teach someone a lesson. In the Sanzo ikkou's case, it was: no matter how strong you are, there will always be someone stronger than you. 

            The fight had been going as well as expected. A whole army of youkai had attacked them. What else in new? Instead of the mediocre ones that the ikkou usually come across, this army was slightly different. They came off as being somewhat intelligent and miraculously, actually seem to be following an attack strategy. According to Murphy, anything bad that can happen will happen. Not only did they encounter intelligent and obviously strong youkai, the same youkai or their leader had sat a trap for them. Of cause, they had to fall for the trap. 

Being severely battered and bruised, Gojyo found himself separated from Hakkai and Sanzo. The explosion the youkai group set off had ensured that the two wouldn't be coming to his aid anytime soon. Gojyo looked around for the monkey and cursed. This was definitely the work of someone with brains. Divide and conquer. 

Meanwhile… 

All he could feel was pain and heat. He gritted his teeth. Yes, a lot of pain. Too much pain is not good. There was a heavy weight on top of him. If he could only open his eyes. Genjo Sanzo would not let an explosion get the better of him. Summoning every ounce of willpower in his being, he opened up his eyes and tried to sit up. One out of two isn't bad. When he did open his eyes, he saw what the weight on top of him was. Hakkai. There were copious amounts of blood on Hakkai and burns. With a certain amount of trepidation, Sanzo reached out to touch his lover's face. 

"Hakkai? Are you alright?"

Before anything could happen, a series of small explosions rocked the earth. Sanzo couldn't do anything except to witness rocks and debris falling on him. All he could do was hold on to Hakkai before all went black. 

Too many hours later… 

Gojyo stood looking out the window as he smoked. Every time he took a puff his damn side ached but he didn't care. He needed the nicotine. Even the corrupt monk would agree to that. Speaking about the monk, Gojyo turned around to look at the monkey. Goku was sitting on the bed not doing or saying anything. He was just sitting there being quiet and looking at his hands. 

Silence and Goyjo didn't sit well together. He never liked silences and never will. He went over to the kid and ruffled his hair. "Don't worry, they'll be fine. Sanzo and Hakkai are too stubborn to die."

Large golden eyes looked up hopefully at him. " But did you see them? When we found them buried under all those rocks, they weren't moving at all. They looked…" at this juncture Goku trailed off unable to continue his words. The five hundred year old could not imagine a life without his Sun. What type of world could exist without a Sun?

Their conversation was interrupted by the opening of the door. The healer who was tending to Hakkai and Sanzo walked in. Her tired visage was not exactly what Gojyo wanted to see.

"Sensei? Will they be ok?" Goyjo asked.

She didn't answer and only motioned for both of them to sit down. "Your friends have both sustained serious injuries. I'm afraid I don't have good news." She paused as she looked at their reactions. 

" I'm afraid I have to ask you to do something very difficult. You see, I'm the only healer here. I only have two hands and my apprentice can only do so much. Both your friends need me to tend to their injuries. I can't help both of them at the same time. You have to choose who I tend to first."

This was when Goyjo exploded. "You can't expect us to choose! They're our friends! Both of 'em. Aren't you the doctor? Tend to whoever who needs it most."

The healer sighed; She wasn't surprised by the outburst. "In normal circumstances, yes, it's my decision. Your friends have different injuries but those injuries are equally life threatening. I did my best to help them both but I can only concentrate on one patient at a time. Who will it be?"

In other words lady, you want us to choose. Who do we want to live? Hakkai or Sanzo. Yup. What an easy decision. 

Hakkai was the balance of the group. Without him, Sanzo would have probably killed all of them with his harisen or the exorcism gun. Either that or Goku would have died of hunger. Hakkai took care of them and was the unofficial mother hen. He cooks, cleans and most importantly protected them from Sanzo's wrath. 

But how can you possibly compare Hakkai to Sanzo? Sanzo was the undisputed leader of this journey to the west. What he says goes. He was the great Genjo Sanzo, guardian of the Evil Sutra. It was he that the Gods gave the mission to stop Gyumao's resurrection. Of course, none can forget that this monk was irritable and was in a constant bad mood. He curses, he drinks and gambles. Like it or not he was the highest ranking monk in the world. And the world needs him.

Hakkai was a youkai right? He was real strong. Between the four of them, it was always Sanzo who was injured the most seriously. In fact, more often than not, it was Hakkai who ended up taking care of them. 

Fact: Youkai heal faster than humans. Even Sanzos. Besides, Hakkai was no ordinary youkai. Therefore, he would heal even faster than normal youkais. Right? 

So, Hakkai, being stronger, should be able to hold on a bit longer that Sanzo. He could afford to be healed second. Right? 

The decision was made in a split second. Gojyo and Goku came to the same conclusion. In unison they gave the healer their decision: "Sanzo first."

To be continued….

Author's note: Well, that's it for the first part. Minna san, hope you all liked it. As I always say, if you liked it please review it *smiles*  The more you review, the faster the next part will come….


	2. When Sanzo Wakes Up

Chapter 2: When Sanzo Wakes Up

            The darkness was a good place to be. There was no one to bother you – either to bug you for food or try to kill you for the sutra. Being unconscious is just as good as being in the darkness. You feel no pain. In fact you feel nothing because you are nothing. You have no worries and you suffer naught. No one sees you and because of this you can simply exist to be free of all responsibilities and burden. Unfortunately, this state of nothingness can never last. 

             Sanzo had been awake for quite some time. For some reason, he had none of his previous inclination to try and walk around or grab a smoke of two. He didn't want to move an inch. Probably due to the fact that if he tried to move, he would be in a world of pain. He felt strangely philosophical as he stared at the ceiling. It was strange – this atmosphere of peace and quiet. There were no sounds of quarreling or cursing or gunshots or … the list could go on and on. Sanzo realized he could do with more peace and quiet. It was not fun being nearly killed on a weekly basis. He needed a vacation away from those bloody youkai and also from the damned monkey and the kappa. Maybe somewhere sunny-- a remote tropical island where the possibility of rain is less than zero. It would be just him and Hakkai, frolicking under the sun…

            His very enjoyable daydream was rudely interrupted by a very loud snore coming from his left. When he had first opened his eyes, he had half-expected Hakkai to be by his side and fussing over him. Sanzo couldn't suppress the twinge of disappointment when his lover was obviously absent. Hakkai had an uncanny ability to discern his state of awareness. He would have known the second Sanzo had awakened and would have called him on it. If Hakkai wasn't by his side, who was it?

             Curiosity and the urge to shut that person up forced Sanzo to sit up and look to his left. Hmph… surprise, surprise, the saru was leaning against the back of a chair and was in deep sleep. Goku was probably thinking about unholy amounts of food since there was so much drool. At that moment, the door creaked open and Gojyo entered. The kappa gave a smile and sauntered his way to the monk.

            "Bouzu, you awake already? Sensei told us you would probably wake up tomorrow. Only you would be impatient about this kind of thing," Goyjo remarked as he passed a glass of water to Sanzo. 

            Sanzo decided that he couldn't be bothered to waste his energy to curse him and simply settled on giving the half-breed a death glare.

            Gojyo had to admit he was a little surprised by the lack of reaction from the monk. Just a glare? For the first time, he had emerged unscathed from the wrath of Sanzo Houshi Sama. Wow. Hmmm. The bouzu probably needs time to warm up. The redhead stood beside Goku and with a devilish grin, shoved the sleeping saru out of his chair. 

            The poor kid crashed unceremoniously to the floor and immediately started broadcasting his pain to everyone within a 10-mile radius. Holding his head in consternation he cried out, " Itai! Damn you, can't you see I was sleeping?"

            "Baka, you were snoring so loud, even Sanzo woke up a day earlier than he should."

            The effect of Gojyo's words on Goku was hilarious. He spun so hard on his heels to see the now awake Sanzo that he nearly fell. "Sanzo!" The gaki exclaimed, his fight against Gojyo forgotten for the moment. 

             Whatever tranquility Sanzo had experienced before was shattered. The baka saru fired a barrage of questions, " Are you hungry? Do you want anything? How about some siew mai? Or wantan mee? Or pizza?" Sanzo sighed as he began to tune out Goku's annoying chatter. He could feel a headache looming. The monk looked at his hands and thought_, I've been in bed far too long, I need to exercise_. 

            With that in mind, he took out his harisen from God knows where and with all the strength he could muster, whacked the noisy duo on their heads. He was satisfied to see both of them stop and look to him in shock. He could easily tell what they were thinking: _How can Sanzo have so much strength?!_

            Before the two started complaining about the pain they felt from the whacking, Sanzo asked the question that had been on his mind the whole morning. "Where's Hakkai?"

            His lover should have been here ages ago to rescue him from the two idiots. The fact that he still hasn't made his appearance worried him … slightly. A rush of images came to his mind – blood, blackened clothes, Hakkai with closed eyes. His eyes were closed. Dear God, his eyes were _closed_!

            Gojyo's voice intruded on his thoughts. Sanzo looked up. The kappa was grinning. "Aww. Does Sanzo miss his boyfriend? How sweet." To Sanzo's utter horror, the half-breed made some disgusting kissing sounds. 

            Sanzo's fingers started to twitch. That was it. Where. Was. His. Gun.

            Apparently something in his countenance gave his intentions away because Gojyo held up his hands and tried to placate him. Surprisingly, Goku came to Goyjo's rescue. He explained, " Don't worry Sanzo, Hakkai's fine. The sensei's tending to him in the next room. He was just as badly injured as you but the sensei said he should be awake soon. We can't see him yet though. She promised that we can see him tomorrow if we don't trouble her."

Ch. Tomorrow? Damn it. It seems that he was stuck with these two idiots for the whole day. They made terrible nursemaids. What made things worse was that he can't see his love. Life sucks. The Gods hate him. Sanzo was aware that he was being petulant but he didn't really care. Every part of his body hurt like hell and he had no one to comfort him. The sensei probably told Goku and Gojyo to make sure that he didn't have any beer or cigarettes. Crap. The kappa was right. _Hakkai really did spoil me_. Oh well.

            The healer's apprentice appeared a few minutes later with some medicine and herbal brew. The apprentice, a very assertive young man, gave detailed instructions on which medicine to eat and in what amounts. The instructions were repeated again as he started to inspect and change some of Sanzo's bandages. Looking satisfied with his handiwork, the apprentice made Sanzo finish every drop of the herbal brew. 

            "You need to rest. You're body's been though a lot." His tone brooked no arguments. 

            Sanzo winced. He can't believe he was being bossed around by some kid at least four years younger than him. The herbal brew smelled bad and tasted worse. He only drank it in order to see his lover. _Hakkai, the things I do for you…_

            The brew was already making him drowsy and he was dimly aware of hands ushering him back to bed. Before he completely lost touch with the waking world, his ears picked up a sound. It was the sound of birds chirping – a sign of good things to come. 

            Everything was going to be fine. Hakkai, from what the apprentice reported, was on his way to a full recovery. When everything goes back to normal, the Sanzo ikkou will find out who was behind the ambush. This new threat will be dealt with later – much, much later. 

            As Genjo Sanzo slept, a small smile graced his face. Life was good. 

            _Later on, When Time Stood Still…._

            _There was an almost breeze in Sanzo's room._

_            An almost touch. It was a fleeting one.  _

_            Fingers ghosting against a cheek, almost lovingly._

_            Almost. _

_            You can see but you can't touch._

_            A voice speaks out, soft and melodious, just like an angel. " Are you ready to go Marshall?" _

            _A sigh. Then the answer: "Yes."_

_            Then there was a sad chuckle, too soft to be heard by mortal ears. "Sanzo, I hope you don't kill Goku and Gojyo for this.." {1}_

            There was the sound of leaves rustling and the two voices disappeared. It was as if they were never there at all.

Author's note: Sorry it took so long to get this part up. ff.net was down for quite a while, no? Anyway, this chapter was meant to be action and angst free. This is the calm before the proverbial storm. By the way, a lot of you guys have more or less guessed what is in store for our heroes. *evil grin * Or maybe you don't? Don't take anything at face value in this fic. 

Thank you to all who has reviewed. If I could give you Haagen Daz ice cream, I would. 

{1} The comment about Sanzo killing Goku and Gojyo was a suggestion given to me by Kenren19. Arigato!

If you liked it, please review it.


	3. I am in a Thousand Winds That Blow

Chapter 3: I am in a Thousand Winds That Blow

The Sensei sat by his bedside as she critically examined her patient. She felt that she should have felt some sort of honour tending to a Sanzo but all she felt was a deep sense of guilt. Her patient was healing extremely well for a human being. It has almost been two days and already most of the bruises were fading. Sanzo had exhausted himself when he had first awakened. Really, the nerve of him! What was the first thing he did when he gained consciousness? Started to walk around and whacked people on their heads. No wonder he's been sleeping for two straight days. Well, it was also partly due to the medicine she has been pumping in him. 

            Goku had been staring at the Sensei. At first, she was checking Sanzo's injuries. Then, all of a sudden, she just sat down by his bedside and started looking through him. It was disturbing seeing a healer look at her patient with glassy eyes. The Sensei was exhausted, anyone can see that. Even her apprentice was worried about her. She had been hovering at Sanzo's bedside twenty-four seven.  

            _She needs rest._

            Goku determinedly walked up to the Sensei and tapped her shoulder. "Sensei? I can look after Sanzo. Why don't you eat something?"

            She looked up and gave him a wan smile. Distractedly she told him, " Do you know that he's healing really well? It's almost miraculous. I just want to make sure there are no complications, that's all. You never know what might happen."

            When he heard those words, he felt a wave of sadness and sympathy wash over him. Goku wished he could tell her that it was all right, it wasn't her fault. It was no one's fault actually. He just couldn't bring himself to say those comforting words. Because truthfully, they weren't really comforting at all. There were no words to explain it. So Goku kept silent. 

            "Goku, you remembered what I talked about yesterday? With Gojyo?"

            He gulped and nodded him head. "About not telling Sanzo"

            "I'm sorry that I'm asking you to do this. But it is important. Healing the body is one thing but the patient has to have the will to live. You cannot say anything to Sanzo when he wakes up. Not yet. Give him some time to recover ok?"

            "Gojyo and I have already agreed to do this. We understand."

            "Then I suppose I better go get some rest."

            The sensei stopped at the doorway. " Do you know why I don't have a name? Why everyone in this village calls me Sensei? That's because I am the Sensei. I help people get better. It's who I am and what I do. Every time I lose one of my patients, I feel like I'm losing a part of myself." 

            Almost as if she was talking to herself, she added, "Sanzo's going to be fine. Just fine."

With that, she left, leaving Goku wide-eyed and confused in her wake. 

************

He looked at where they had led him. At first he took no notice to where they were going. Regardless of what he had been saying, he was *not * fine. He started to become suspicious when he began to pant. He knew his stamina wasn't what it used to be before the incident. Thus, they couldn't have been walking far. But still, why did they have to go such a distance to see Hakkai?

            When Gojyo had said that Hakkai was outside, Sanzo had thought that the redhead had meant that the green-eyed youkai was right outside the inn's doorstep. Apparently, he was wrong. 

            Something was nagging at him ever since they left the inn.

            Why were they taking so long to get to where Hakkai was?

            What in the hell was Hakkai doing so far ….

            All questions, all thoughts came to a complete stop. Sanzo couldn't think. Couldn't breathe. Couldn't move. Couldn't do anything. Something within him just froze. 

            _It couldn't be. _

            Goyjo and Goku were right in front of him. They had been leading the way all this time. They too had stopped and were looking at Sanzo intently. Sanzo was completely still as he stared at an object not too far away from their current position. 

            They waited for some sign to show that Sanzo was still among the living. They waited for one breath. And than another. 

            When Sanzo began to make his way to the not so distant object, Gojyo and Goku stayed behind. They didn't make a move and uttered nothing. Their eyes were averted to the ground. 

            The object, now that Sanzo could see it clearly, was a stone. It was smooth and grey. It was an ordinary stone. But this stone had a name etched almost lovingly on it. A name that is so familiar to him, so precious. 

            It was a tombstone. He touched it and it was cold.

            No doubt the body that it guards over was cold too.

            He looked over to his companions and asked quietly, " How long?"

            Goku had his eyes steadfastly on the ground, refusing to look at him. He was probably afraid that Sanzo was mad at him. Gojyo was the one who was brave enough to answer, "Two days".

             It has been two days. Only forty-eight hours since his beloved had been gone and he hadn't even noticed? What happened to all those preconceived notions that two lovers were truly two halves of one soul? That they were greater than the sum of their parts? Aren't you supposed to know when your lover is de… when your lover is gone?

            And Sanzo felt nothing. Nothing.

            "Go away," he told them without even looking at them. 

            They stayed rooted to the spot and looked at each other; not sure whether it was wise to leave Sanzo alone. 

            Sanzo didn't bother to repeat himself a second time. He just waited for them to get the hint and leave him alone. It was a battle of the wills and eventually, they left. None on earth can out stubborn Sanzo sama because he was obstinate and the most unyielding of them all.

            He wasn't sure what he had expected himself to do. Was he going to cry? Rant at the Gods about the unfairness of everything? He didn't know. The great Genjo Sanzo Houshi Sama didn't know. 

            He wasn't sure if he felt anything at all. No sorrow. No pain. Just numbness. 

            What is one supposed to do when one is at the grave of one's beloved?

_Do not stand at my grave and weep, _

_I am not there. I do not sleep. _

_I am the thousand winds that blow. _

_I am the diamond glints on snow. _

_I am the sunlight on ripened grain. _

_I am the gentle autumn rain. _

_When you waken in the morning's hush, _

_I am the swift uplifting rush _

_Of gentle birds in circling flight. _

_I am the soft star that shines at night. _

_Do not stand at my grave and cry. _

_I am not there. I did not die._

_Mary Frye_

Author's note: Did I kill Hakkai or did I not? Did I or didn't I? Tough question. Let's play a game shall we? Why don't y'all try and guess what happens in the next chapter? I left lots of clues. *grins *

Again thank you to all my reviewers!!! I look forward to all your feedback. You really have no idea how many times I read and re-read your reviews…

As my saying goes: If you liked it, please review it.


	4. Choices Made, Prices Paid

Part 4: Choices Made, Prices Paid

He sat by the window and alternated between smoking and glaring at the sky. It was one of those perfect weather days: the Sun wasn't too hot and the weather wasn't that humid. Nice weather meant happy people. Che. Annoying. For the hundredth time, he wanted it to rain. He needed for the heavens to part so that the rain could come down hard in torrents.

After all, misery loves company. And the dead need someone to mourn them.

He tore his gaze away from the outside world. At least his room was dark. Revelations would come to you at the strangest times. He found out the hard way that it was darkness, not light that brought comfort.

In the dark, no one can see you tearing yourself to pieces. _(Or maybe he was slowly shattering, it didn't matter.)_

In the quiet, lonely dark, it overwhelmed and engulfed you.

In the end, You become nothing but shadow.  

After spending twenty odd years of his life suffering and agonizing, after seeing and living through the deaths of his beloved ones. Genjo Sanzo Houshi decided that it was time to Fall to the darkness.  _(The darkness wasn't such a bad place to be, it didn't matter any way, because he didn't, couldn't and wouldn't care anymore.)_

"Welcome back Marshall."

He nodded to her and Jiroushin. The Goddess of Mercy was seated on her throne-like chair gazing at the lotus pond before she deigned to acknowledge his presence.

"I trust you find that nothing _much_ has changed since you left?" At this, she lifted her eyes and looked right into his. Her smirk spoke of an old joke shared among friends.

Or maybe she was laughing at his expense, Tenpou thought to himself. However, her question gave Tenpou the opening he needed. "I thought after 500 years of being away, it would take some time for me to adjust. But it seems that everything is the same as we left it.Exactly the same."

He smiled wistfully as he said, "It was as if we never left."

It was true that nothing had changed. His room and library remained untouched after all these years. No one came in to neaten the place up and put the books in their right position on the shelves. This made him feel that his room was waiting for him to return to heaven. Due to the nature of Heaven, there was no dust lying around. Thank the gods for that at least.  

Now, about his return to Heaven, there were a few minor details he had to clarify with the Goddess of Mercy. "Why am I here?" he asked bluntly.

Kanzeon laughed. She was always so easily and greatly amused. "Why is anyone anywhere? The simplest explanation is usually the truest: You are here because We wish it."

"Even simplicity has underlying complications.  500 years is not enough to quell the anger of the Jade Emperor. I don't understand why I returned to Tenkai instead of the Cycle of Life to be reincarnated." He had his suspicions of Something Being Up the moment he realized that he was in Heaven.

There was a pause as Kanzeon shifted her focus to her lotus pond. When she looked up, her eyes seemed to be looking at something far, far away. Something that was incomprehensible to everyone else.  "Do you not wish to see how your companions are doing, Marshall?" Her voice had gone deeper than it usually is.

Tenpou felt the hairs at the back of his neck rise. Cautiously he took a step closer to the pond and peered in it.

He saw nothing.

Confused, the Marshall glanced at the Goddess and saw a tiny smirk playing on her lips. She tilted her head as if to say, _Well__? Aren't you going yet?_

In his mind, he replayed what she just said. He opened his mouth to say something but decided not to. He grinned inwardly. He didn't have time to parley words with Kanzeon. After all, he had friends and a lover to visit Down Below. With a low bow, Tenpou took his leave.

"That wasn't nice," Jiroushin murmured.

Kanzeon rolled her eyes. "He's smart enough to understand what I was trying to say Jiroushin. There is a reason why he is the Marshall for the Western Army. Relax, will you? Shall we continue our chess game?"

Jiroushin nodded and went to set up the chess board. As he started to place the pieces in their respective squares, he mused, "You never did answer the Marshall's question."

The Goddess of Mercy raised her eyebrow.

"About his presence in Tenkai."

"The Marshall will figure it out for himself, eventually. Cho Hakkai was meant to die and Tenpou Gensui is supposed to be here, to lead the Western Army in case things go wrong Down Below. Like it or not, Sanzo along with Gojyo and Goku, are supposed to stop Gyumao's revival. It is Destiny."

And here ends Chapter 4.

_Author's note: I'm so sorry it took me this long to get this chapter out!!! This is dedicated to everyone who has been 'reminding' me to update. If you liked it, please review it. _


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